Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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