sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
