i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
