Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
