When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
