What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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