You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
