Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
