Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
