You work out of a Hotel?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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