Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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