Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
