Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We are all done wearing pants today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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