you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
