woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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