Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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