Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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