I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
