Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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