your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
