There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
