So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
