HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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