so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
