Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
