if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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