you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
