Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off