all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities