the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night