Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me