I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
