the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just googled if crying burns calories
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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