I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
