My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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