well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize