the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
