everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
