i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
