every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
