I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
