Whod you bang
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
