i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
