it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just found a bag of teeth...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
