I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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