The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
