nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
