The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
