I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
