you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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