Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
