In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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