hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
