Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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