Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
