those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
