I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
