When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
