what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
