A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
3 2 1 whiskey
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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