the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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