I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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