Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
