when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
