the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
