I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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