You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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