he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
