Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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