Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
