My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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