i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
