dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We got so high we made milksteak
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
