I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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