what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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