i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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