I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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